Monday 10 November 2014

Why I Don't Like Diamonds


By a bride-to-be

Getting married in London.  I am five foot tall - a meter and a half. I try on wedding dresses, they are wider than I am tall. I can barely walk in them, let alone dance or feel sexy.  And they cost more than a buggy or a beach holiday.

I am expected to:
  • Think this is the best day of my life – unlike the day, say, when my baby is born (each one of them), or unlike the day I recover from that hideous, life and sanity-threatening illness
  •  Wear a massive white dress that starts at £400, takes a few months to find, to try on and to adjust
  • Buy new bridal shoes – god forbid I look in my wardrobe!
  • Get a diamond ring from my fiancée, to the order of a few thousand pounds
  •  Have a massive party, also to the order of a few thousand pounds, that takes me a few hassled months to organise and zooms by in a couple of hours
  • As a bride, it’s really my job to organise it, and the groom is free to dip in and out of the whole coordination exercise when he feels like it
  •  Get my guests to pay a hefty sum for the privilege, perhaps even travel abroad or book hotel rooms to come to my wedding.

Now, I walk down the street, and all the women have the same straightened hair, the same handbag, the same black coat – and the same diamond ring.

My wedding planners expect me to have a flower-swamped, colour-coordinated party of over 100 people that will cost over £5,000.  They come back to me dejected with smelly, far-away party halls I wouldn’t touch with a bargepole, because, they say, that’s all you can get for my budget of £3k.

Honestly, I am giving up.

I like a party, but I want to turn up and have some fun, not fret and swear for months trying to organise it. It’s only one day, for God’s sake!

I would like to have a party with all my friends and family, and with those of my man’s, but I want to feel happy about it. As it stands, I feel frustrated. 

My partner is totally relaxed about it. He “just” wants specific food from his country, because, he says, that’s the only thing that people remember. I want a good dance. 

As it stands, we either have to go over budget, or take a cramped, far-away location with cooks that swear they will cook the authentic recipes of our countries. Right!...

Now, I don’t see the point in spending the money either. I am planning babies and buying a house. That’s what my savings are for. I never budgeted to save half of my yearly salary for a one-day party, in an uncomfortable dress, that looks like any other bride’s dress. I just don’t see the point. 

So the last decision is to have the party at home, with just as many people as will fit inside and move on. Or maybe two parties, one with family, one with friends. I relax just thinking about it. 

I bought a £20 white office dress in a sale and it actually fits me, let alone that I can also move in it. I thing that’s exactly the price it’s worth, for a dress that I will only wear once, and maybe one more time on a beach holiday. I mean, how often do we wear white dresses, during the 2-week summers of London?  Since I bought it, I saw a picture of Dita Van Teese’s wedding dress: purple. Now that’s more like it.

So there: I am looking now for a delivery service to bring me food from the tiny authentic restaurants at the edges of the metropolis. 

And I forbid my man to buy me a diamond. Get me a holiday to Bali instead, or to Madagascar. It will stay with me for the rest of my life, and I won’t be afraid to lose it in a swimming pool. And I won’t look like all the other women, all with the same diamond ring. 

Why would I wear or want a diamond?  So De Beers, the diamond monopoly holders, can stay in business, with this made-up tradition?  My mother doesn’t have a diamond engagement ring. Just a plain band.  

Why would I wear a diamond?  So other men can say “that’s a small diamond”, and calculate how much money my husband has?  Remembering the size and price of their wife’s ring? (Really, one of my friends heard that remark from her boss on showing off her new engagement ring.)  The same men who used to ask me, “What does your father do?” and I’d answer, “My mother, not my father, …”  

Why would I wear a diamond?  So my man can weigh in money and carats his love for me?

A friend of mine has received a large diamond-and-gold set from her in-laws. She doesn’t remember where she put it in the house. She can’t really wear it to the office or to the playground. I ask her why she doesn’t put it in holding at a bank safe?  “Why, so I can pay for having it?”, comes her answer.

That’s why I don’t like diamonds.

I told this to a friend – and her answer came back in an SMS: you don’t like them? Give them to me!

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